Dear Abbey: It’s been 10 years with my boyfriend “Nick”. We have experienced many things. We have a three year old son and Nick’s mother died shortly after his birth. Nick now says he doesn’t want to see our son, he wants to spend time for himself. All I need is that he watches him one day a week while I work. My family helps the other day.
I have a good job. Nick wants me to move away from the country with him. I think it’s a mistake to pay off our car and move before my son goes to school. This all happens within a year. It seems logical, so no one knows we’re watching a kid, especially since we can’t predict when Nick will be in dad mode and want to see him.
Nick says he doesn’t want to wait and threatens to go without me. He said he hadn’t applied to the children in the first place. I don’t want to end our relationship. I don’t want to be a single mother. I think this works, but I don’t know what to do. Help me. -Very uncertain in California
Dear so much I don’t know: It’s time to confront reality. You are a single mother. What do you think you can do with your boyfriend who “did not register as a child in the first place”? Nick revealed that he didn’t want his father’s responsibility. However, he has a legal responsibility to financially support his son. Please do not move in a hurry. The reason I want to wait makes sense. You have a stable employment where you and your relatives provide safe and reliable parenting for little boys who may grow up earlier than their father.
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Dear Abbey: My mother died a few years ago. She had a very nice man “Ron” as a partner for several years before she died. Since my mom’s funeral, I’ve spent time with my mom and did my best to see what he’s doing. Unfortunately, he has a habit of dropping in at my house without notice-usually on Sunday nights. I know he’s lonely, and I feel terrible to ask this. How can I tell him that my husband and I hate sudden visits when preparing for work last week or relaxing by the pool? I just want to relax at the end of the weekend, but I’m starting to resent the need to “look good” for a stop-by visit. -Longing for Sunday loneliness
Dear thirst: I should have drawn a line within a few months of my mom’s death. The way to deal with this is the next time he appears without notice, “Ron, I already have a plan for tonight (pause). I know we care about you. In the future, call me before you stop, because you need to relax and prepare for work last week. “
To those celebrating Rosh Hashanah: At sunset tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. At this time of solemn introspection, I wish my Jewish reader, “L’shana tova tikatevu”-I wish you a good year inscribed in the Book of Life.
Dear Abbey, was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abbey www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.
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